In one of my psychology classes the professor started the class by asking us, “How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?”
After a brief pause, he answered, “One can do it, but the light bulb has to really want to change.”
Sounds corny, I know. But he wasn’t trying to be funny. He was making a point. Change is hard, and when we’re trying to change ourselves or how we live our lives, we fail far more often than we succeed.
So, when we try to make changes in ourselves or how we live our lives and we fail, how do we discover and correct what went wrong?
Psychological and sociological models and theories such as the Health Belief Model tell us that in order for us to successfully change, the following must be true.
- We must believe that there is a need for change. We’ve all had the thought from time to time that maybe life would be better if we would continue our education, improve our job skills, drop a few pounds, take that nasty pill the doctor gives us. But we don’t see it as a serious need, either because the problem isn’t severe, the need isn’t urgent, or it just seems too hard. If this is true for you, try a simple task. It’s called a personal gap analysis. List the qualities or characteristics you would like to have, then list the ones you have. Compare the two lists and identify the gaps.
- We must believe that there is a benefit to change and a risk to not changing. If you think taking night classes to qualify for a better job means giving up on your social life, something you value, then you’re likely not going to do it. But is it really true that you have to give up your social life? And what do you get in return? We all chronically over-estimate the cost of change, and under-estimate the benefit. Go back to the gaps you identified above, and try assigning a dollar amount that reflects the value you attach to having the qualities or characteristics you currently lack. Now list the costs – money you would have to spend, the time it would take, and yes, the pain and suffering if it’s exercise or dieting. Try to be realistic. Is tracking your time to see where it all goes, or creating a budget and trying to stick to it, really that painful if at the end of the month you end up with a few dollars in savings?
- We must believe that we have the ability to change. This is called self-efficacy. It means that we need to believe that we are capable of making the change and that we have or know where to go to get the resources we need to do so. Often a lack of confidence here just reflects a lack of knowledge that produces fear and anxiety. But that fear can be overcome with proper planning, taking things step by step, and rewarding your successes. Cleaning the entire house seems daunting, but what if today we’re just doing a bedroom? That doesn’t seem so bad.
- We must see signals from the people and environment around us that the time for change is now. Even if we know all the stuff we’ve discussed above, we still tend to not take action, to put change off. It just doesn’t seem that urgent. But what if it is? What if we’re just not seeing, or we’re ignoring, the clues – the hints or nagging from friends or coworkers, the persistent heart palpitations or breathlessness that comes with even simple tasks, the chronic sadness or anxiety that just won’t go away. All of those things are telling us the time to change is NOW, but we’re not seeing them. Try this. List as many examples as you can think of where you’ve heard the same criticism or advice, experienced the same symptom, or repeatedly experienced disappointment. Think about the things you listed. Do they have similarities? Could there be a common cause for all of these experiences? Draw lines connecting the items you listed that may have a common cause in your behavior, attitudes, or beliefs. If you connected any items, maybe it’s time to take action.
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